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literature
Walking
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
It's half past midnight
He's outside, walking
A breeze, cold and soothing
Caressing his skin
Now everything's quiet
The voices stopped talking
He's taking a break
From the muss in his mind
A car's driving fast by
He should turn around soon
But everything's so nice
The night and the moon
And these few, brief, moments
So blessed and so placid
When he can think clearly
Without being bothered
Just reach a bit farther
And last a bit longer
For once almost happy
He'll walk a bit further
He's outside, walking
A breeze, cold and soothing
Caressing his skin
Now everything's quiet
The voices stopped talking
He's taking a break
From the muss in his mind
A car's driving fast by
He should turn around soon
But everything's so nice
The night and the moon
And these few, brief, moments
So blessed and so placid
When he can think clearly
Without being bothered
Just reach a bit farther
And last a bit longer
For once almost happy
He'll walk a bit further
© me
© 2013 - 2024 dikarya
Comments1
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I really like things that you're doing here, like with the last stanza, "farther, longer, happy, and further (instead of saying farther again)." I don't know... maybe you understand better than I do what I'm hearing and liking there.
As well as in the second stanza; well, each line in the piece (I think) is either 6 or 5 syllables, and the only line in the second stanza that is 5 syllables is "He's taking a break." It's subtle enough that you may not even have done it on purpose, or at least, I can't tell if you did, which I enjoy.
Each stanza is clearly free verse with no apparent form apart from each being 4 lines long, but there are these ties, walking rhymes with talking, soon with moon, bothered sounded enough like farther and further to bridge it for me, and overall, the whole thing is very rhythmic, like walking... I suppose I also like it because I actually do this when I can find the time (walking I mean).
So yes. Very cool.
As well as in the second stanza; well, each line in the piece (I think) is either 6 or 5 syllables, and the only line in the second stanza that is 5 syllables is "He's taking a break." It's subtle enough that you may not even have done it on purpose, or at least, I can't tell if you did, which I enjoy.
Each stanza is clearly free verse with no apparent form apart from each being 4 lines long, but there are these ties, walking rhymes with talking, soon with moon, bothered sounded enough like farther and further to bridge it for me, and overall, the whole thing is very rhythmic, like walking... I suppose I also like it because I actually do this when I can find the time (walking I mean).
So yes. Very cool.